The Worst Day Ever
by CrystalOcean7
Summary: What happens when a over-hormonal yaoi fan girl Konan temporarily takes over Akatsuki? A threesome between Sasori, Deidara, and Itachi... with Deidara on bottom. Sasori x Deidara x Itachi smut.


The base of any organization is founded on the leader of that group.

It was no surprise when Pein took a leave of absence from running the Akatsuki, things drastically fell apart.

Konan, the new substitute leader, had decided to run things her own way...

"Now take good care of them..." Pein said in a worried tone.

"I know, Dear." Konan replied.

"It just, Tobi needs confirmed every so often he's doing good a job... Itachi must have his daily anti-depressants, and don't let him not take them, or you could have attempted suicide on your hands... Deidara is a case you have to be strict but friendly with telling him not to explode any part the house in anger, otherwise if your too strict, he will rebel and blow up the entire house... And Zetsu-"

"I know. Relax."

"But I haven't told you what to do if Zetsu eats the mailman!"

"Listen Pein. I know your nervous about leaving on a vacation and abandoning me with a group of S-rank men who have mental problems. But trust me. I'm a lot more scary then these children. Plus, how many years have I stood by your side and often suggested ideas that pulled us out of shit? I've been here from the beginning and will stay here to the end of your rule."

"Well..."

Pein turned to the Akatsuki members behind him, who had gathered for a meeting telling them Pein was temporarily leaving.

"Don't leave us alone with this crazy bitch." Hidan mouthed so Konan couldn't hear.

"Listen! All of you!!! As you all know, I'm leaving and Konan is in charge. She will report back to me afterwards and if any of you screw up, I will know the second I come home!! So don't screw up.... Konan is boss now and you listen to everything she tells you!" Pein boomed in a voice of authority.

Konan gave him a peek kiss on the cheek, waving goodbye to him and rushing him through the door.

Pein didn't even have time to say goodbye as the door slammed behind him.

"You heard what the man said! I want yaoi and I want it now!!!" Konan yelled in an evil grin at the Akatsuki.

"What makes you think we'll do what you tell us crazy bitch!?" Hidan growled.

"Oh... you will. When I'm done with you, you'll be begging me to kill you." Konan hissed, pulling out a knife.

The blue haired female chased after Hidan, screaming, "What's wrong, little Jashinist? I thought you liked pain! I'm not even started yet!!!"

"Crazy Bitch!!!" Hidan screamed, jumping over a couch.

"Where was she even hiding that knife?" Deidara asked, turning to look at Sasori.

"I don't know. But everyone should hide while we still have the chance." The red head replied.

"Truth... let's be going 'Tachi." Kisame said, picking up his uke bridal style and sneaking off in the other direction of Konan.

"Hm."

"Why are we hiding?" Tobi asked, scratching his head.

"It's like a game of hide and seek, un." Deidara replied, following Kisame.

"Only if you get caught, you lose a lot more then the game." Sasori giggled in an evil, but cute laugh and followed Deidara.

Kakuzu stood, trying to decide to help Hidan or not. Zetsu sank into the floor. Tobi ran to find a place to hide under the kitchen table.

The screams of Hidan were soon heard as Konan caught her pray.

An hour had pasted.

Deidara cursed in silence as his stomach growled. He now regretted skipping breakfast.

The blond was hidden in the closet of Sasori's room. He hadn't made it to his own room before Konan had found and chased him. He'd manged to lose her only twenty minutes ago as he had run outside and snuck back into the base through an open window. The whole time he was sneaking into the base, he began to wonder how no one had managed to simply sneak in before and kill them all while they slept.

The door opened.

Deidara lowered the sound of his breathing and remained completely still.

Footsteps wondered around the room. Whoever it was, they were searching for something. Probably him.

"Deidara?" Sasori called.

The blond relaxed, moving from the closet and sticking his head out. He saw the red head give him an odd look Deidara didn't understand.

"He's not here." Sasori said, looking quickly away from his uke boyfriend's face.

"Yes I am Danna!" Deidara protested, jumping from the closet.

The blond stopped suddenly as he saw Konan standing behind him, a grin on her face and a chainsaw to the red head's heart container.

"You idiot!" Sasori shouted. Facepalm.

"Wow... I can't believe that blondie fell for my trap." Konan giggled.

Deidara tried to run, but a Konan clone suddenly appeared behind him and grabbed tight hold of his arm. A knife at his throat.

"How did you fall for that!? I clearly made eye contact with you and said aloud 'He's not here'. Do you think I often talk to myself?!!" The red head said, giving a sigh of annoyance.

Deidara shrugged sheepishly, his face bright in a blush.

"It could happen to anyone. How was I suppose to know Konan was that evil?" He answered.

"When we get out of this, I'm putting you through serious don't-fall-for-obvious-traps training." Sasori growled.

"If we get out of this..." Deidara whispered.

Itachi walked outside of the base, enjoying the beautiful weather... if he could see it.

He felt the warmth of the sun and he heard the sound of the chirping birds, so he assumed it was a nice day.

Suddenly, the birds had stopped chirping.

He knew something was wrong.

"I know your there." Itachi said, feeling a chakra in front of him.

"Itachi..." Konan whispered in front of him.

Itachi activated his sharingan. He knew he had connected with Konans eyes, but something was wrong...

Suddenly, Itachi realized he was locked in the sharingan with a Konan clone.

Releasing the jutsu, Itachi felt Konan's chakra charge at him and he barely dodged a kunai.

More clones in closed around him.

Itachi jumped backward, suddenly finding something metal behind him... bars, like a jail. He suddenly realized Konan's clones had chased him into a metal cage.

The door slammed shut.

Itachi activated the black flames on the cage, running through the new hole he had created in the cage.

He was tired. His whole body was in pain from using the black flames.

Itachi ran. Konan's clones were everywhere.

Itachi stopped, standing still.

His entire body transformed into black birds.

He landed not to far away on a mountain. Suddenly, he felt something pierce his side.

It was a shot of sleeping medicine.

"Where?..." Itachi muttered, unable to sense any chakra.

"**We got him! I didn't think we'd be able to.** Indeed. It is surprising..."

"Zetsu?"

"Yeah. It's me. **Me too.**"

"Why?..." Itachi asked, his body becoming to heavy and collapsing beneath him.

"Konan promised us freedom if we helped catch you. **No one can sense our chakra.** Now we don't have to preform yaoi!" Zetsu said, grinning a toothy grin.

"You should of run while you had a chance..." Itachi muttered, now falling unconscious because of the sleeping medicine.

"I know... **but that would have been boring.**"

"And you won't hurt 'Tachi if I obey you?" Kisame asked, running a hand through his hair.

Konan nodded, hiding her evil smile under her cloak.

Kisame shrugged, following Konan through the living room and past a bloody Hidan. The Jashinist was pined to the wall, knifes sticking out of every part of his body. It didn't kill him, but the blood lost made him feel sick and his entire body was deeply entered by the kunai, and pined him completely to the wall.

"Crazy bitch..." Hidan muttered, his head feeling light.

Konan paused. She gave a hand sign for Kisame to stand where he was and she walked up to Hidan without fear.

"One thing I forgot..." She muttered, taking Hidan's nearby shirt and riping it. She tied the riped cloth around his his mouth, gaging him.

"Let's go." Konan said to Kisame, traveling towards her bedroom.

Kisame followed, laughing aloud at Hidan and showing him a toothy grin. The silver hair managed to stick up his middle finger.

Tobi ran in circles around Zetsu.

"Why is Itachi sleeping during hide and seek?" Tobi asked, dancing.

"**He lost the game.**" Zetsu smiled.

"Oh. Tobi still hasn't lost. Miss Konan hasn't found him yet, because Tobi is a good hider." Tobi said, stopping to stare at the sleeping Itachi.

"Then why aren't you hiding Tobi?" Zetsu sighed, shaking his head.

They walked down the dirt road, Zetsu hung Itachi over his shoulder, unable to sink into the ground with the Uchiha. They were near the base.

"Oh, Tobi got bored of hiding. He came to find you." The masked nin sang.

"We got bored of hiding too. **We found Miss Konan, and asked her if we could be it too.**"

Tobi seemed in shock. "More then one person can be it?!" He exclaimed the question.

"Yes Tobi-chan. You could ask her to be it too if you want." Zetsu smirked.

"But what if she tags me and I'm it?" Tobi asked.

"**Then prove yourself useful.** She won't tag you if you do something she wants."

"Okay! Tobi will be a good boy and help Miss Konan capture all the Akatsuki."

"Good boy. You will be safe now."

"And if I help you record these videos, I get a share of the profit?" Kakuzu asked.

"But of course. In fact, I'll even give you 50% of the cut." Konan said smiling.

"How do I know your word is good?" The money lovers eyes narrowed.

"All I care about is the yaoi. Recording it and selling the videos is just a side business."

Kakuzu seemed pleased by this. They shock hands and made their way back to her bedroom.

On the queen sized bed, Deidara sat in a schoolgirl outfit and Sasori sat in a schoolboys uniform without the shirt. Kisame was holding the blond down as he struggled to get away.

"Sorry Blondie. Konan threaten to hurt something important to me if I don't make you behave." Kisame said.

"Trader!" Deidara screamed, kicking up his skirt and giving Sasori a perfect view on the pink panties he was forced to wear.

"And would this 'something important' be Itachi?" Sasori asked, not taking his eyes of his ukes legs.

"Yeah... What about you, Sasori? Konan threaten to hurt Deidara?" Kisame asked, looking Sasori in the eyes and laughing as he knew what the red head was looking at.

"Oh... on the contrary, she promised I could have sex with Deidara in a schoolgirl outfit."

Deidara eyes widen. Kisame burst into fits of laughter, letting go of Deidara's arms.

In the next moment, Deidara smacked his hands across Sasori's face as hand as he could, leaving his hand throbbing with pain. The red head only burst into laughter and Kisame pined Deidara down again.

"Brat. You know I can't feel those things." Sasori said, still laughing.

The blond growled, cursing. "Bastard!!! It made me feel better!"

Kisame smirked, then blushing lightly, he asked, "So if you can't feel, how do you have sex?"

Sasori looked up in surprise.

"Oh. The answer is simple. I have nerves in only certain parts of my body. My mouth, for example, is a place I can sense touch and taste. I don't need to eat, but I can if I want to, I am fully capable. I'm a master piece of art. A puppet who can function as a human. Mind you, my body isn't made from wood like my other puppets. It's made from a fake skin, something like a very expensive sex toy."

Kisame examined Sasori's body in interest. There was a moment of silence before Sasori spoke again.

"But Deidara already knows that, don't you Dei-chan?"

Deidara averted his eyes from Kisame's questioning glance.

The door burst open. Konan entered, followed by Kakuzu, Zetsu, Tobi, and a waking Itachi.

"Where am I?" Itachi asked.

"Angel!" Kisame cried, letting go of Deidara and rushing over to Zetsu.

"We still need Itachi." Konan said.

Kisame expression darken.

"No worries, were going to just use him for a short time in a little movie..." Konan giggled.

Itachi was wide awake now, but remained completely still.

"What kind of movie?" Itachi asked, having a general idea.

"XXX rated." Konan grined.

Kisame wasn't sure of how to react.

"'Tachi?" The shark man asked.

"I'll go willingly, if you promise I'm not a uke." Itachi muttered, his face becoming bright in a blush.

"Understood. Kisame, show Itachi were to get dressed. I have another boy outfit in his size." Konan smiled.

Deidara frowned. "I'm not a uke!!!" He screamed, jumping off the bed and trying to make another run.

Sasori's stomach cable cord unwrapped and grabbed hold of Deidara, sliding around him like a snake. It lifted the blond back on the bed, next to the puppet master.

Deidara pouted, struggling to escape.

"I'm not the only one..." Kakuzu whispered, remembering have done something similar to Hidan with his threads.

"Okay. Zetsu, your recording from camera 1. Kakuzu, camera 2. Kisame will record from camera 3. And Tobi... why don't you go talk to Hidan? He's probably very lonely." Konan stated.

"Okay Miss Konan! Hidan and Tobi will be best friends!!!" The masked nin exclaimed, rushing from the room.

"Any questions?" Konan asked, sitting in the director's chair.

"I'm going to kill you all!" Deidara growled.

"Yes, but in the meantime, just give us some cute uke faces." Konan giggled, sticking out her tongue.

Itachi and Kisame entered the room, the Uchiha grumpy and cursing as he wore a schoolgirl outfit.

"We couldn't find any boy outfits..." Kisame muttered, desperately trying to avert his eyes from his uke boyfreind's skirt.

"Hm..." Itachi said grumpy like.

"Kisame, record from camera 3. Itachi, on the bed. Ready. Places. Set. Action!"

Pein eyes snapped open.

He sat at the airport, having the worst time of his life. For one, the airport had canceled his flight and he had to wait for one two hours later. He'd fallen asleep. Second, Pein was homesick. It was much to quiet without the Akatsuki screaming in his ear.

Pein turned his head to see his flight still had ten minutes wait until it arrived.

He imagined the beach. Warm and filled with peace. He would sit watching the sunset, drinking a beer, like a Bud Light commercial.

It sounded nice. But Pein wasn't sure if he wanted to leave his homeland. He'd never flown outside of the continent.

Plus there was this horrible feeling... like something was horribly wrong for Akatsuki...

Deidara let out a loud moaned.

Itachi's tongue licked his length teasingly. Sasori had Deidara drawn into a violent kiss, sitting on top of his stomach and fingering the nipple playfully. Deidara's arms were tied behind his back.

Sasori exited the kiss, sucking the left nipple and then giving the other equal attention.

The blond bit his lip, trying to stop himself from making the noises that pleased them so. He had was hard in no time. His whole body begging for more.

Itachi entered Deidara's length into his mouth, sucking lightly on the tip and drinking away all pre-cum.

Sasori fingered the nipple in a circular motion.

"Don't let him cum yet, Itachi." Sasori commanded, smirking.

Itachi removed the length from his mouth. "I know. We will make him beg for it."

The Uchiha played with Deidara's length, his hands sliding down in light touch and applying little pleasure that made Deidara's insides tingle and cause him to moan.

"I won't beg, Bastards!" The blond screamed, trying to hold back his tears.

"You hear that?" Sasori grinned evilly, "He doesn't want to submit..."

"Then we will make him..." Itachi replied simply.

Itachi sat next to Deidara, lifting his own skirt and revealing his hard member completely. He grounded their groins together, causing them both to moan.

Sasori removed his body from Deidara's stomach, sitting next to Itachi. The puppet master pulled his length from his pants and joined. All three rubbing against another.

"I won't submit..." Deidara pouted, the tears now falling from his eyes. He panted heavily and cried out as another shock wave of pleasure ran through his body.

"Sweet Dei-chan. Just beg, and we will give you the release you desire." Sasori grinned, licking away the salty tears.

The blond flinched.

Itachi forced himself harder against Deidara groin, causing him to scream.

"I-... I don't want to submit." The blond pouted.

"You need to let your pride go. Your so close to that sweet pleasure you desire, just ask and we will give you what you want." Itachi answered.

Sasori bit down on Deidara's sensitive neck skin, savoring the scream pant he earned.

"I won't..." Deidara cried.

Sasori bit down harder, drawing blood and a loud scream from his partner.

"You want it Deidara... I see how you want it so much, but that pride of yours won't let you. Just ask us. We'll help you release together... that sweet pleasure... it's only a few words away." Sasori said seductively, whispering in his ear.

"But Danna..." Deidara whispered, feeling so close to giving them what they wanted.

Sasori became inpatient.

"Move!" The puppet master commanded Itachi.

The Uchiha did as he was told, sitting on the side of the bed.

"Your not going to give me what I want... you should know better Deidara. Now I'm going to make you pay!" Sasori growled, grabbing hold of his partners length and began pumping it.

Deidara cried out, eyes wide and mouth open.

Sasori pumped the length violently, causing Deidara moan loudly. The blond was reaching his limits.

Sasori suddenly stopped, pulling his hands away and leaving his partner untouched other then his tied hands.

"Dammit! Finish it!!!" Deidara screamed.

"Beg me." Sasori simply replied, licking his hands.

"Please... Please finish me!!!" Deidara screamed, finally giving in.

"More. Tell me you want me to hurt you." Sasori grinned, earning what he wanted.

"Hurt me!!! I want you to hurt me... please. Anything. Please, god, don't leave me like this!!"

"And?" Sasori asked, grinning.

"I'm your bitch. I'll do anything you want. Please." Deidara cried, panting heavily.

"Good." The red head smiled.

Sasori positioned himself behind his uke, shoving in without warning. Deidara screamed out, gripping the blankets in pain.

"I want a turn..." Itachi muttered.

"He's mine!!!" Sasori snapped, growling like a wolf and causing the Uchiha to back down.

"Please finish me..." Deidara whined, his ass tight and eyes shut.

"Don't rush me brat, or I'll leave you like this." Sasori threatened, then added, "Itachi, help him get off while I work, understand!? I'll give you your turn if you do as your told."

Sasori thrusted in once more, causing the blond to scream out.

He didn't give his partner time to adjust as he thrusted in again. He repeated this action, over and over again, slamming into his uke boyfriend. The blond felt hot tears fall from his eyes, crying out as pain turned to pleasure.

Itachi decided to obey. He grabbed Deidara's length with his hands and began pumping him.

Deidara felt himself soon near his limits. The pleasure causing him to moan in rhythm with the beats and a line a saliva running down his chin.

Itachi's tongue working its skills.

The blond was at his peak. He felt himself become completely tight, light a spring, tightening and suddenly shooting lose like a gun. Deidara screamed his partner's name as he came into Itachi's hands and over their stomachs, panting heavily and his entire body hot.

Sasori came only a few second latter, deep inside his lover. He shot the white seed inside of him, giving several more slowed thrusts to finish the job.

Itachi drank Deidara's seed, gulping it down and frowning at the taste. He thought it oddly didn't taste as good as Kisame's seed.

"My turn?" Itachi asked, looking something like a lost puppy.

"Yes. But be gentle with him, I won't forgive you if you hurt him." Sasori growled threateningly, removing himself from inside Deidara.

"Wait!" The blond cried, suddenly realizing he would be ass pounded again.

"Be a good brat and let him take you, Dei-chan. Itachi gave you that nice hand job." Sasori said in a bored voice.

"But Danna, it's going to hurt." The blond pouted.

"Yes, but what to expect. Your a uke." Sasori growled, annoyed.

"I'm not uke!" Deidara protested.

"Okay, Seme. Let him take you." Sasori replied sarcastically.

"Danna... I don't want too."

"To bad. How do you feel if I give you another nice hand job while he works? I'll even untie you." The red asked, smirking.

"Okay..." Deidara muttered, looking very ukish.

"Thank you, Dei-chan." Sasori said, smiling and unwrapping the cord from around Deidara's hands.

The blond rubbed his newly freed hands and sighed nervously.

Sasori grabbed hold of his partner's member, and began pumping back to hardness. Deidara moaned, feeling his nervousness melt away at his boyfriend's skills.

Itachi positioned himself behind the blond, finding the hole already lubricated and pushed in. He was tried to be more gentle then Sasori and avoid hurting the blond.

"Harder!" The blond cried out, feeling Sasori would of hit his spot by now.

Itachi pulled out and slammed back in, causing the blond to cry out.

Sasori pumped with more force, making up for the fact Itachi was too gentle for Deidara when he slammed in repeatedly.

Itachi built up rhythm, pleasuring the blond, but not like his Danna. Deidara realized he preferred Sasori more then Itachi, which made him feel somewhat confident about sleeping with the Uchiha.

Itachi soon felt himself at his limit. He was to hard and as a uke, he didn't last long. He cried out as his length exploded with the hot liquid, filling Deidara up. The blond released came again several seconds after, cuming in his partner's hand and onto their torsos.

Pein entered the Akatsuki mansion house.

The first thing he saw was the blood. Second, as he walked around the house wondering why everyone was missing and the entire house looked like it had just teleported from hell, when he saw Hidan.

"Holy shit!" Pein exclaimed, seeing the bloody mess and near death body.

"Pein said a bad word!" Tobi exclaimed, jumping from behind the couch.

"What happened here Tobi!!! Did you do this to Hidan!?" The Leader said, angered.

"No. Miss Konan found Hidan first and he lost the game of hide and seek." Tobi replied in a sing song voice.

"Konan... I think I need to have a talk to Konan about this 'game'. Where is that woman?" Pein asked.

Tobi danced in circles around Pein. "Konan is in her bedroom, making a movie... I think they said it was called XXX rated."

"That woman is dead." Pein growled, stomping towards her bedroom.

The orange hair burst through the door a few minutes later.

"Konan!" Pein exclaimed, seeing the three naked males on her bed.

"Busted..." Konan muttered, biting her lip.

"Why is Sasori, Itachi, and Deidara naked on your bed, covered in cum!?"

"Long story..." Konan whispered. Getting out of her seat and walking over to her boyfriend.

"I have time." Pein growled, his eyes narrowing.

"Okay. Kisame, Zetsu, Kakuzu... put my cameras back in the closet. Everyone else, get dressed. And Pein... we can talk in your room." Konan said smiling at the recent yaoi she'd watched, despite the trouble she knew she was in.

Pein followed the devious woman as the exited the room.

Sasori threw off his schoolboy pants and put back on his Akatsuki pants. Deidara remained too soar to move. And Itachi ran to Kisame, holding him tightly.

Kakuzu began walking out of the room.

"You gonna find your uke too?" Zetsu asked, halfway thinking to himself about asking Kakuzu for sex, but decided against it because he had Tobi.

"Yeah." Kakuzu grunted and disappeared into the hallway.

"The worst is over." Sasori whsipered to his uke, picking Deidara up and carrying him out of the room bridal style. They went to Sasori's bedroom. The red head set his uke down on the bed.

"Danna... my ass hurts, un." The blond complained.

"I wonder why..." Sasori said sarcastically, then added, "I'll get you some pain killer."

The red head disappeared into the bathroom and returned with; two small pills and a cup of water.

Deidara gulped down the pills with his drink and set his now emptied cup on the side table.

Sasori waited until Deidara had finished his drink to set beside him on the bed.

"What do you think?" Sasori asked, looking at his uke boyfriend.

"Of what?"

"Of the threesome."

"Oh... I would of liked it more if Konan hadn't been recording it, un."

"Yeah... how do you feel about doing it again some time?"

"...Your a pervert Danna!!"

"Probably..."

"I'm not completely opposed to the idea, un."

"Then we could try it again some time?"

"Maybe..."

"Alright... who do you want to be the third person?"

"I dunno Danna... probably Itachi again... or Konan."

"Konan?"

"Yeah. She's a girl, un."

"I see..."

"I'm not completely gay Sasori-Danna... I'm bi, un."

"This is a problem for me... I have no interest in females."

"Your completely gay?!"

"Yes. Women are, well, boring."

"Boring? I don't understand. You can fuck them, and it probably feels better then a guy."

"Oh, it is a lot more wet. But I love the reaction I earn from males. Like torturing them."

"You are a sadist, un."

"You know that well."

"...I still wanna try it with a girl some time, un."

"Never had sex with one?"

"No. Have you?"

"Yes..."

"Who!?"

"You see, back in my village, as a teenager, all the females loved me. I would seduce them to turn into puppets, and with the best looking ones, I would fuck first. But they all talked to much. To boring. I started seducing other boys too and found it was more entertaining."

"I didn't know you attract that many people when you were alive... your very hot now, but I can't imagine you as a human, un."

"I was a skinny teenager. My hair was a little longer then too."

"Danna with long hair... I can see it now, un."

"I did start wearing it longer through most my teenage life."

"I wish it was still long. It would look better."

"To much work."

"Yeah, that's true. My hair is impossibly hard to manage, un."

"But it looks nice."

"Thank you Danna."

Deidara snugged close to Sasori, feeling very tired.

"Night. I love you, un."

"I love you too."


End file.
